Favorite Guilty Pleasures

(Via Snarky Squab)

Four Guilty Pleasures in Reading
1. People Magazine.
2. John Grisham
3. Used to read Danielle Steele. But I gave it up. I swear.
4. Dan Barreiro's Blog

Four Guilty Pleasures in Movies
1. You've Got Mail and/or Runaway Bride (pretty much any romantic comedy with Meg Ryan or Julia Roberts)
2. Twister. I'm obsessed with tornados. Even the completely unrealistic ones paired with hideous acting by Bill Paxton.
3. Clueless. Oh god that's embarassing. I even watched it this weekend on Comedy Central.
4. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Enter Stage #1 of my Sarah Jessica Parker obsession.

Four Guilty Pleasures in Food
1. McDonald's.
2. Little Debbie's. Any kind. Can eat the whole. box.
3. Easy Cheese
4. Chinese buffets

Four Guilty Pleasures in Music
(WARNING: the following is a gross display of hidden love for pop music. Easily nauseated individuals should stop reading now.)
1. Britney Spears. It HURTS me to even say it.
2. N'Snyc. Oh god, I'm in PAIN.
3. Ashlee Simpson. Kill me now. Please. Put me out of my misery.
4. That one song, "Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy". I don't even know who sings it.

Trust me people, it hurts me as much as it hurts you.

Four Guilty Pleasures in TV
1. Mtv reality shows. Even though they practically induce rage-like emotions over the extreme ignorance and obnoxious behavior of the characters, for some reason, I can't quite make myself change the channel.
2. Gilmore Girls
3. Bridezillas on WE
4. Anything on E!

Four Guilty Pleasures in Booze
1. JagBulls (Jagermeister & Red Bull, in shot formation)
2. Apple Pucker. Out of the bottle.
3. Boones Farm. Also out of the bottle.
4. Franzia. You know, wine-in-a-bag-in-a-box?


Post Script: I will honestly be surprised if I have any friends left after publishing this. Take pity on a pop-culture-tortured soul!!

Post Post Script: Now tell me yours so I don't feel like such a loser. Do it for my self-esteem. Please!!

I've reached my limit for cuteness.

Dude, this ain't right.










I weight in around 5.5 lbs. Yeah, I'm huge.








I'll take that to go, please. Thank you.










Really need to....make...that..call...zzzzzzzzzzz.










Yeah, well you should see the other guy.











You WILL obey me.

Back @ Home Base

You know what? It sucks being back from NYC. We had such a good time, I could have stayed another week. I'll have lots of fun stories and pics to share as soon as the mourning period is over and I've accepted that I do in fact live here, in MN. When I'm back to being St. Pauly Girl again, pissed off about stupid republicans and Planned Parenthood protestors. Right now, I'm a New York Poser, who needs a reality check. Once I get it (which I'm guessing will be in 15 minutes when I have my first meeting after vacation, here at work) then I'll share all the fun stuff about how we kicked ass on the subway (and by kicked ass, I may mean it kicked our ass, but whatever) and how Tavern On The Green is overrated and how I truly thought that John Cusack would be at the Waldorf when we went there for cocktails on our anniversary. He wasn't. I was legitimately bummed. I'll also tell you about Woody, our new best friend from Manhattan, who's a dirty Yankee's fan but we love him anyway. And about 4 of the cutest little Spanish girls we partied with, even though we could barely understand each other. But I comprehended when they said I had cute shoes, which ruled because they hurt the hell out of my feet. At least it was worth it. The Spanish girls liked them. What else will I tell you about? OH, how my dear husband, St. Pauly Boy, is the best tourist to travel with. Ever. He didn't force me to go to the Statue of Liberty, given it was 90 mile an hour winds that day. He also didn't force me to wait in line for an hour and a half to go to the top of the Empire State Building. Thank god he didn't care enough to put me through that crap.

Argh! I have to stop talking about it now. The zipper on my "bitter-pants" is stuck and I can't get them off. I promise to share, once I stop sulking.

Wishing I Lived on the Upper East Side,
SPG

Start Spreading The News...

...I'm leaving today (ok well, tomorrow)
I want to be a part of it - new york, new york
These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray
Right through the very heart of it - new york, new york

I wanna wake up in a city, that doesnt sleep
And find Im king of the hill - top of the heap

These little town blues, are melting away
Ill make a brand new start of it - in old new york
If I can make it there, Ill make it anywhere
Its up to you - new york, new york

New york, new york
I want to wake up in a city, that never sleeps
And find Im a number one - top of the list, king of the hill
A number one

These little town blues, are melting away
Im gonna make a brand new start of it - in old new york
And if I can make it there, Im gonna make it anywhere

It up to you - new york new york


Goodnight, Bloggers! You've been a great audience! The St. Pauly Family (minus one Stinky Pete, who's lounging at the doggie spa for the weekend) is hitting the big city. I'm coming back with blisters on my feet and possibly some sore muscles from hiking through the concrete jungle, but hopefully sporting a new Kate Spade bag on my shoulder and lots of pics in the digital. I'll be sure to fill you in on the gory details of the trip (outside of what happens in the hotel room...that's just for our own personal memory bank, thank you very much). Speaking of, the most common farewell message I seem to be getting from people is "Have fun! Make babies!" When did I say we were going to NYC for the weekend for the sole purpose of fornicating? And who on god's green earth thinks I might be fit for motherhood at the present time? Sorry St. Pauly People...the patch is staying put. For the time being.

Have a fabulous weekend, whereever you are.

Love and happiness,
SPG

I Need A Heart Transplant

My current heart has been broken into a thousand pieces after watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy.

I literally haven't cried this hard since my boyfriend broke up with me in the 11th grade. And I cried HARD when that happened. Stinky Pete didn't know what to do with me, so he licked the tears off my cheek and then barked. The barking part sucked but the licking of the tears was pretty cute. Who's bright idea was it to have a 2 hour season finale show, anyway?? I want that person dead. Ok, maybe not dead, but seriously compromised for a while. Do they not think we deal with enough emotional stress in our REAL lives?? Jesus. I'd give up television for good if I wasn't already an diagnosed addict who isn't ready for the 1st step of the 12 step program.

I'm going to take some Advil and cry myself to sleep now.

Goodnight.

Reasons Why I Love Instant Messenger

This conversation.

(Precursor: St Pauly Boy (a.k.a. TheDude) and I are discussing our timeline of events for this evening. He wanted me to bail on my manicure appointment so that we could get to the restaurant early - we're having dinner with My Bro and Future Sis-in-Law and then going to the Science Museum to see the new Human Body exibit. I told him to just ride with G & J and I'd meet them there, if it was that big of a freakin' deal to get there at like 5. He assured me that I should do what I have to do, and then the following conversation ensued.)

TheDude says:
i'm freakin' pissed though

E-Diggity says:
wtf

TheDude says:
i made some mac and cheese for lunch then wanted to add some pepper and the lid fell off the pepper shaker and the ENTIRE bottle dumped into the pot

TheDude says:
that's why i'm pissed

E-Diggity says:
lol

TheDude says:
the pepper incident

E-Diggity says:
that's hilarious!!

TheDude says:
not funny

TheDude says:
not funny at all

TheDude says:
i swear there's more pepper in there then noodles and sauce

TheDude says:
DAMNIT!

TheDude says:
i'm going for a second try now

TheDude says:
but it's the white cheddar stuff that i don't like as much as the regular yellow stuff

TheDude says:
i don't know why i buy it

TheDude says:
it's 3 cents more then the yellow stuff

TheDude says:
so it's more expensive and not as good

E-Diggity says:
honey, do what ya gotta do

TheDude says:
oh i'm doing it

TheDude says:
and i'm going to add pepper too

TheDude says:
only this time i'll hold onto the lid

Is it strange that I find my husband fastination and pure love of mac & cheese to be a bit of a turn on?

Oompa Loompa's Are Evil

This goes on the list of reasons why I am "unAmerican". I cannot stand the movie "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." I watched it as a child and despite the icky feelings that it gave me inside my tummy, I kept watching. Because every other kid thought it was the best fucking movie, ever. I couldn’t admit to being the only one who was frightened by the little orange men with green hair and striped overalls. Or Willy Wonka himself, for that matter. Who on earth is scared of Willy Wonka?? I still thought that Mary Poppins was the bomb. How big of a loser was I?? The other kids will have a field day with a pussy like me. So I kept my feelings to myself. I sat on them, let them stir inside, while they preyed on me in my dreams at night, causing more and more anxiety towards the movie. Not only does the movie cause me anxiety but Gene Wilder, in anything, makes my stomach churn a little.

It wasn’t just the Oompa Loompas or Willy Wonka himself, that reeked such havoc in my childhood psyche, mind you. It was also the grandparents who couldn’t leave the bed, the boy who drowns in the chocolate river, and the freaking girl who blows up into a blueberry! I really worried about their futures, how would they survive (or did they survive) their situations.

“All 4 of those people have to share that bed?? What happens when they have to go potty?? What do they do?? What if one of them dies?? Are they just going to leave them in the bed??”
"Oh no, that boy drowned!! His parents are going to be so sad! I wonder if he has brothers or sisters, they’re going to be really sad too. He'll never get to go to college or get married!!"
"OMG, she turned into a blueberry!! How will she ever learn to drive a car like that?? Will her parents have to get a bigger bed for her?? What if they can’t afford a new bed??"

Those thoughts ran continuously through my mind. All night long. To the tune of the Oompa Loompa song.

When I was about 16, I grew tired of silent torment. I spoke out against this dreaded movie. And just like I suspected, I have suffered endless ridicule ever since. My family members hum the tune at the dinner table. They say things like “The Oompa Loompas are going to GET you” and “be careful, you might turn into a big blueberry, just like that other naughty little girl”.

But now, at the age of 29, I finally have some relief. Thanks to the worlds funniest fashion blog, I can finally rest. The song now has a different face attached. One that’s uglier (fuglier, rather) than the one’s in my nightmare. Thank you, GFY. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

To Women Who Poop: Please Review the Following Request

This request goes out to all the ladies in the place, who poop. Apparently some women "don't", like Supermodels and Hot Women in general. So this is directed to those of us who, do in fact, poop. And specifically the one's who poop in public [restrooms, at least I hope they poop in restrooms and not in the hallway at the office or something].

Please leave the vocal stylings of relieving oneself in public, to the men.

NOTE: This request is not sexist in nature. Women have every right to grunt and moan their asses off - no pun intended - ok, maybe I did intend it - while relieving themselves of fecal matter. Sometimes it's a difficult process and being vocal can be help the situation along, I understand that. It's the public aspect of my request that we all need to focus on here.

Let me just generalize for a moment. Men, for the most part, have no problem pooping in public. A lot of men are proud of their abilities in this arena. Giving the process some vocal enhancement can be seen as a testament to the quality of their performance. That's all fine and good, because as disturbing as I think this trend is, I don't have to witness directly because thankfully we have separate restrooms. Yes, I know there are Unisex restrooms out there, but good lord, I'm not analyzing this scenario for every goddamn exception to the rule. In fact, I'm just GENERALIZING.

Anyway, this topic is prevalent for me today because as I just used the Ladies Room at work (#1, not #2...not that I am obligated to explain myself or anything) and there was a fellow female using the stall 3 doors down from mine. Let's just say...the room was not quiet. I'm not talking about the occasional unavoidable flatulence or slish-splash. I'm talking grunts. GRUNTS. Luckily I was able to finish my job (which includes hand-washing, don't get me started on that topic, Ladies) and get the fuck out of there before all hell broke loose. All I could think of was......

must. blog. this.

So please, Ladies, for the love of all that is holy and pure...let's maintain the unwritten rule of Silence in the Ladies Room. Perhaps someone should actually write this.

Put This In Your Blender And Smoke It.

My response to Blender's 50 Worst Things to Happen to Music is stated below. For the record.

#50 - Back off The Beatles, man! Seriously. Don't take them on. You cannot win. And in response to the question you pose ("And is there anyone alive who hasn't suffered a collapse of the will to live during 'When I'm Sixty-Four'?") the answer is me. I'm still alive. And I'll put that song on repeat just to get under your skin. Screw off.

#42 - You can totally have Scott Stapp. I'm still pissed that he rebelled from his Christian fundamentalist upbringing and dove into mainstream pop/rock. If that had never happened, I wouldn't even have to know he exists.

#40 - Have Jimmy Buffet too. Most overrated musician ever. Stick a cheeseburger in it, Jimmy, I've had enough.

#38 - Sting? That's all you have to say for yourself?? No justification for his presence on this list? I'm going to assume it's a typo, and move on.

#36 - Agreed. Pick a fucking name, Mr. Self-Important-Ego-maniacal-Combs-Diddy-Daddy-Puffy-Warbucks.

#35-32 - Not even worth printing. Can't believe you wasted the effort.

#29 - How could anyone have anything against a kid like Josh Grobin?? He's harmless. And goddamn he has a good voice. I detect some jealousy in your statement.

#28 - Totally, dude. We used to have one on Nicollett Mall called "Let It Be" Records. Aside from having the coolest name for a business, since the invention of business, it was also really fun to sit on the patio of the pub across the street and watch the cute little indie-freaks roaming in and out. I heart indie-freaks!

#26 - Adam Duritz's dreadlocks were dead sexy. No, I am not kidding.

#24 - Should move to the #1 spot, IMHO.

#22 - HI.

#21 - My favorite entry to agree with on this list. Hip Hop videos are so incredibly ridiculous, I'm appalled that money is even spent on them. Gross.

#14 - LOL. I admit, I had my boyband phase. But I'd be ok with wiping out Florida all together. (As long as Rebecca's parents move up here first, that is).

#12 - The sole purpose for the existence of KFed and his beautifully talented wife...Britney, is it?...is to make us all feel better about ourselves. Mission accomplished, Mr. & Mrs. Spears.

#11 - Cannot believe the words "irretrievably dull" were used here. I'm seriously starting to want to kick your ass. But you didn't mention DMB* in that entry so I'll let it go this time.

#7 - Lay off God, dude. What's he ever done to you?

#6 - Righto, chap.

#4 - Couldn't. Agree. More. And appropriate placement on the list, I might add. Just gives me the willies.

#2 - Fo'shizzle, m'a nizzle. But you better watch your back for printing that.

#1 - Are you kidding me? That is your #1 worst thing to happen to music?? Ok, grandpa.

------------------------------------
*Note from the editor: the spell-check suggestion for DMB is "dumb". That pisses me off a little.

Ok, just go ahead and shoot me now.

We watched Capote this weekend. I have to say, I was b.o.r.e.d. Don't get me wrong, Phillip Seymour Hoffman was great in the role but the story was just not good enough to keep my attention. I never read (or heard of, for that matter) the book "In Cold Blood" and maybe my admission of this makes me sound like a completely ignorant, uneducated a-hole. But I do have a college degree, so I'm going to give myself the benefit of the doubt and say that it's OK that I've never heard of the book, nor it's author. Capote is a funny little character, I'll give ya that. But as I watched the movie, my thoughts toggled between "when's it going to get as good as everyone says it is?" and "how much is left of this movie, I want to go to bed" and "god, I really need to get a pedicure."

I know. I suck for not liking this movie. Give me gay cowboy sex anyday over the story of some author falling in love with a psychotic murderer, any day. I'm going to go home and watch Napolean Dynomite now.

Death Penalty is NOT the Answer.

I am an avid supporter of anti-death penalty legislation. I am very glad I live in a state that does not allow the death penalty and I seriously doubt I could live in a state that allowed it. I'm not going to get into the reasoning behind my position at this moment, but the topic is prevalent at the moment given the Moussaoui verdict of life imprisonment. I was happy with this verdict and here's why:

1) This man admits he conspired in the 9/11 terrorist attacks and admits that he would have gladly flown a plane into any number of American buildings, giving up his own life for his "cause". Putting him to death would be like giving him what he wanted in the first place.

2) His sentence of life imprisonment may as well be considered the death penalty. You think he's going to live a quiet life in solitude in the Colorado prison, cursing Americans and bragging about the thousands of Americans' lives lost at the hands of the terrorists? I'm sorry, Bubba is going to have a fucking field day with Moussaoui.

When are people going to realize that life in prison is just as good as the death penalty? I'm not saying that I think every criminal has the chance to rehabilitate themselves because I certainly don't believe that's true. But what's the harm if they do? It's not like they're going to make parole, in most cases. Tookie Williams was certainly not eligible for parole and I do think he rehabilitated during his time served before the government ended his life. How can people accept our government imposing revenge as a punishment yet establishing laws against vengeful crimes committed by it's own citizens? I just don't get how especially the ultra-conservative religious base of our country thinks that government murder is acceptable, as long as it's in retribution for some other crime.

Don't. Get. It.

Weird Little Things That Drive Me Insane

1. When the shampoo and conditioner bottles aren't even. As in, one has less than the other.
2. The fact that there isn't a gauge on the dashboard in cars that tells you when you're almost out of windsheild washer fluid.
3. CD's. All they produce is dust and clutter. I'm sick of their existence.
4. Memoribilia. That you just cannot bring yourself to throw away. For example, the towel I have from the 2003 NHL Western Conference Finals, Game 1 vs. the Mighty Ducks*, at the Xcel Energy Center. No WAY am I throwing it out but what on earth am I supposed to do with it?
5. The Anaheim Mighty Ducks. It was supposed to be just a movie, not develop into the name for a professional hockey team. But apparently they decided to mature and drop the "mighty", so now they're just the Anaheim Ducks. Sick.
6. Everytime I open a new bottle of water or a can of soda, I can't seem to finish it. So I have a desk/house full of half-empty bottles and cans of stuff. That's just stupid.
7. Lisa Loeb glasses.
8. Receipts. I cannot stand receipts. I would rather not return anything for the rest of my life than have a gazillion receipts laying around my house.
9. The O.C. (TV show, not the actual county in CA...although it's not my favorite spot in the world, but anywho...). I don't care what anyone says, this show is nowhere near as cool as Beverly Hills 90210.
10. Law & Order - don't get me wrong, love the show, love the concept, good acting and writing and all that good stuff. But why the hell do we need 14 different versions of the same show? And secondly, why do they have to run marathons on 14 different channels, every single day of the week?
11. Dog poop. Cannot. Stand. Dog. Poop. Which sucks for me since I have a dog.


To be continued...

Hang On, This Could Be A Bump'y Ride.

While I throughly enjoyed myself during Draft Weekend, I have to say that I agree with Bump. Underwhelming, from the Viking's persective. B- to a C+ grade on the Vikes performance. Yes our first pick was fantastic, just how it was predicted by 99.9% of the Mock Draft World. But let's not break our arms trying to pat each other's backs. We need a good 3 years to figure out whether or not any of our draft decisions were good. Or not good. Vikes history would point us towards not, but as usual, the fans (or at least, the "real" fans, IMHO) remain optimistic. New coaching, good free agency pick-ups, and an "O.K." draft...it's a rebuilding year, we've got a good chance at being good. Too many uses of the word "good" here, I know, but it's the only word I can use in this circumstance, I'm sorry. Can you hear me now? Good.

But on a lighter note, the rainy, gloomy weather and the 8 hour straight footage of NFL drama, provided St Pauly Boy and I a fantastic, almost zen-like, environment on Saturday. No, I did not survive the entire 8 hours of ESPN goodness without a little catnap, which consequently came upon me 2 minutes before the Vikings were on the clock. But I fought back, heard the word "Greenway", debated whether or not Tag's just said "Green Bay" but then realized that it's assinine to think that the Vikings just drafted the entire Green Bay Packers in the first round (everyone knows they wouldn't be worthy of anything more than the 5th or 6th round), and the contentness put me into dreamland for at least until the end of Round 1.

Am I sad that I missed the entire last half of Round 1 of the 2006 NFL Draft? No. Why, you ask?

Because I have it all on TIVO.