To Women Who Poop: Please Review the Following Request

This request goes out to all the ladies in the place, who poop. Apparently some women "don't", like Supermodels and Hot Women in general. So this is directed to those of us who, do in fact, poop. And specifically the one's who poop in public [restrooms, at least I hope they poop in restrooms and not in the hallway at the office or something].

Please leave the vocal stylings of relieving oneself in public, to the men.

NOTE: This request is not sexist in nature. Women have every right to grunt and moan their asses off - no pun intended - ok, maybe I did intend it - while relieving themselves of fecal matter. Sometimes it's a difficult process and being vocal can be help the situation along, I understand that. It's the public aspect of my request that we all need to focus on here.

Let me just generalize for a moment. Men, for the most part, have no problem pooping in public. A lot of men are proud of their abilities in this arena. Giving the process some vocal enhancement can be seen as a testament to the quality of their performance. That's all fine and good, because as disturbing as I think this trend is, I don't have to witness directly because thankfully we have separate restrooms. Yes, I know there are Unisex restrooms out there, but good lord, I'm not analyzing this scenario for every goddamn exception to the rule. In fact, I'm just GENERALIZING.

Anyway, this topic is prevalent for me today because as I just used the Ladies Room at work (#1, not #2...not that I am obligated to explain myself or anything) and there was a fellow female using the stall 3 doors down from mine. Let's just say...the room was not quiet. I'm not talking about the occasional unavoidable flatulence or slish-splash. I'm talking grunts. GRUNTS. Luckily I was able to finish my job (which includes hand-washing, don't get me started on that topic, Ladies) and get the fuck out of there before all hell broke loose. All I could think of was......

must. blog. this.

So please, Ladies, for the love of all that is holy and pure...let's maintain the unwritten rule of Silence in the Ladies Room. Perhaps someone should actually write this.