The Heat Is On

Or wait...no it's not.

Happy Monday morning to the St Pauly Family! The heat went out during the middle of the night and we had the pleasure of waking up to 52 degree warmth, in the house. It was exhilirating! The feeling of cold tile on your feet, watching your breath as you brush your teeth, man I feel ALIVE!

I've got that backwards. I'm not sure "alive" is the appropriate word for what I feel this morning. I'm pretty sure I meant to say, holy shit I am fucking freezing. Still. And I've been up for a couple hours now. I took an extra long, extra hot shower and my blood is still like ice. I drank a big mug of piping hot coffee on my drive to work (btw, good coffee this morning, Honey) and still icicles are hanging from my nosehairs.* I actually contemplated wearing two sweaters to work today. I thought that would make me look fat, so I went with a regular button down shirt with a tank top underneath. Tank top??? What the hell kind of crack did I smoke this morning. It's the cold. It got into my head and took all of my logic away.

So I get to work and call my mom, not to report this cold house issue, but to ask if she and dad can dogsit for us next weekend. Just by chance last night I told St Pauly Boy that I need to get the hell out of town for a couple days or I'll go insane. I've got a bit of, what we call in the frozen north, Spring Fucking Fever. Yes, the extra word is for effect. So we planned a trip to our vacation home** in Irvine, CA (The O.C., baby) for next weekend. So, blah blah, we worked out the logistics with the Pete and then I mention the heat issue. No lie, the first thing out of her mouth is this: "Oh no, how did Pete handle it?? Is he OK??".

Ohhhhhh, that's so sweet. Doggie-Grandma is worried about how the Pete was feeling. Cuuuuuute. Ummmm...not.*** What about ME, Mom?? I may have been the oldest child, but that doesn't mean I don't demand the appropriate level of attention and sympathy as the youngest child! I should have called my Dad instead. He loves me.

So, countdown to warm weather begins. Not MN warm weather, CA warm weather (which to those sissy little CA bastards think is freezing cold right now...I could bitch slap the lot of them). 10 days. 10 long days and then SEE ya, wouldn't want to BE ya.****


* Perhaps I should trim those. Maybe then it wouldn't be a problem?

** And by vacation home I mean corporate housing that SPB lives in when he goes to work in the OC every other week. I just like to make people think that I'm a high roller. Really, I'm just a chump.

*** and **** I cannot take responsibility for using these phrases. I'm convinced that the cold has actually made my brain regress to Junior High. It is not my fault.