Zach Made Me Do It

I have this ongoing argument with a friend of mine from work regarding television. We both pretty much love TV, so that's not the issue. The issue developed when he began badmouthing "Grey's Anatomy", just because he knows it became my new favorite show after "The West Wing" got cancelled last year. He hates Grey's because it's too superficial and unrealistic (as far as the medical cases go). Like any of us give two shits about whether or not a human being could actually survive having a 2 foot tree trunk lodged in their sternum or that two people could become attached by a big pole shooting through their chests as a result of some kind of crazy train crash or something. We care about the superficial stuff. Like whether or not George is going to take his hot girlfriend back even after she slept with McSteamy...who wouldn't sleep with McSteamy, by the way. We care about who Meredith is going to choose, Finn or McDreamy, even though it's always been quite obvious that she'd pick McDreamy...who wouldn't pick McDreamy, by the way. We care about Izzy cashing the 8 million dollar check and getting over cute Denny dying, and Berk getting his arm back so he can be a world-class surgeon again. There's no time to worry about the validity of the medical cases that they present to us.

As my revenge, I decided to hate his television obsession, which is the hit-series "Lost". I decided that the whole premise of the show kind of irritates me. A bunch of people stranded on some remote island, yet somehow they all have artillary? An airplane that literally busts in half for no apparant reason, and all those people....survive......?? It all seems a little too out there to grab my attention. I know, I know, they explain the whole thing and you just have to watch it in order to understand and the second you start watching, you'll be hooked. It'll be your brand new addiction, much safer than Blow. My severe, Type A stubborness would gladly take Blow over allowing myself to become just another Obsessed-Lost-Watcher.

That is, until now.

I had to report a possible change of heart to my work friend yesterday. It appears that one of the Obsessed-Lost-Watchers that I refuse to associate myself with, just so happens to be my favorite actor whom I lovelovelove, like, wallpaper-on-my-laptop love. Suddenly I find myself strangely drawn towards Blockbuster so that I can rent the first two seasons and watch them, all in one weekend. That's what my work friend says I'd do, because they're so good you can't just eat one.

So here I sit. Borderline sell out due to a school girl style celebrity crush, all of my principles hanging in the balance. How's that for drama?

St. Pauly Girl, Interrupted

Back from a little Northern Minnesota va-ca with St. Pauly Boy and the St. Pauly Girl In-Laws. We spend 4 nights at a resort on the north shore of Lake Superior. It's a family favorite spot, it's always gorgeous and relaxing. Well, at least the first two days were relaxing. Then it became more of a withdrawal from city life, which includes two of my favorite things: cell phones and internet access. Oh how I missed thee. And it also became a little hard to handle my mother's need for constant conversation, which is for the most part a revolving door of the same goddamn topics. My dear husband hung in there like a trooper, but honestly in the last couple of days, both of us were ready to get the hell out of dodge and back where our normal life of busy-ness and telephone-screening could ensue. I also miss my brother and [brand new] sis-in-law (who's really more like a real sis), who came back from their honeymoon on day 2 of our "relaxation". It'll be great to reconnect with the newlyweds over cheap beer and Monday Night Football this evening.

In conclusion, on our way home from the Way-North-It's-Almost-Canada, I was thinking that vacations in secluded locations when in-laws/parental units are involved can be like being in a mental institution. For the most part, there are good intentions. But a lot of times the outcome just makes you crazier than you were before.

And with that, on with normalcy....

Don't Hate Me Because I Like Her

As annoying as these two particular celebrities are, I can't help but think that the TomKitty is pretty freaking cute.

But it's not making me want to convert to Scientology. Just so that's clear.

It's Baaaaaaaaaaack!

That goddamn gray sweater.

We may need to organize an intervention. Any takers?

What Sorry Looks Like

I got this email forward with the subject line "What Sorry Looks Like..." and then it asked you to scroll down and here's what I found:



I think I just died inside a little.

The Wedding Bells Rang...And Everyone Escaped Without An Ass-Kicking

My little brother got married on Saturday. And it was perfect. Everything was awesome and beautiful and loads of fun. Here are the highlights, from St. Pauly Girl's perspective (in no particular order):

1) The limo ride. Champagne + 20 people crammed into a stretch Escalade = Fun Stuff.

2) The moment my brother asked the priest, "Is this the kissing part?".

3) The moment my new sister-in-law actually scooted her chair closer to my brother's, when they were sitting up on the altar after their vows.

4) Statements like, "Dude, nice ushing today." and "Seriously dude, I bridesmaided the shit out of this place today!".

5) The bride and groom pulling a $100 winner pull-tab at the bar before the reception.

6) The bride and groom getting in their first marital argument in the limo on the way to the reception.

7) The groom and his groomsmen/ushers taking a leak over the side of the pavillion while we were setting up to take photos by the river. (See #1 for further explanation).

8) The Bouquet Toss. Having been twirled around by the groom, the dizzy bride proceeded to toss* the bouquet forward against the wall instead of over her head to where the single ladies were anxiously awaiting the sire-fire sign of being the next lucky lady to land themselves a husband.

9) Piano Man. In true CSB/SJU (and Sal's Bar & Grill) tradition**, Piano Man is the last song of the night and consists of all attendees on the dance floor, in a circle, with their arms around one another, belting out the lyrics to the song as loud as humanly possible. An addition to this tradition***, the men in the circle drop their pants to their ankles and sing in their boxer shorts. Only at this particular reception, there was one woman in this circle who may have been a bit confused by the "men-only clause" on this portion of Piano Man and proceeded to lift her skirt, causing most of the men in the circle to either drool or become bitter that their wives don't wear hot black lace panties like this particular wife. To avoid any further familial embarrassment, I will refrain from identifying said woman. I can only say, it was an alcohol-induced confusion. And that it was not St. Pauly Girl.

10) The send-off of the happy couple. Romantic horse-drawn carriage. Bride wearing a cute white fur shawl. All of the wedding guests crowded on the sidewalk with noisemakers and applause. Bottles of Mich Golden Light in place of the champagne that the wedding party forgot to provide****, specifically to enhance the romanticism that is a carriage ride in Stillwater, MN. Waving to the back of the carriage as they rode away in wedded bliss, and proclaiming upon the realization of what had just been witnessed "My brother just rode off in a horse-drawn carriage. What the fuck?".

UPDATE:
11) The Best Man Speech. I'm biased, the best man was St. Pauly Boy. He did awesome.
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*And when I say "toss" I really mean overhand-throw-as-fucking-hard-as-you-can.

**At least in the late 90's and early 2000's.

***I made a rhyme! Yay!!!!

****Did said bottle of champagne get consumed by a particular pair of wedding party attendants? It cannot be fully confirmed, but can safely be assumed I think. And SPG will go ahead and take the blame for that one.

Wedding Bells Are Ringing...And St. Pauly Girl Is About to Kick Someone's Ass

Quote of the day: "Will the Best Man and the Groom please get their shit together, like, right now?"

That was me. Talking to the best man of my brothers wedding. The best man is my husband. The wedding is in 2 days.

Best. Meltdown. Ever.

Remember when I said that football was the root of all insanity? I was just being mildly sarcastic at the time. But as it turns out, there may be hard evidence in support of my claim.* Check out the audio clip within this post.

Perhaps sometimes the insanity is more humorous than others.

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*Special thanks to Matt at A.S.S. for calling our attention to this wonderful slice of radio.

Hello, Sports Fans!

Suggested reading -

Recap of our year in baseball.

My favorite highlights:

1) From the "Top Ten Injuries of the Year" -

Eighth Prize (Better to wiggle than waggle dept.): Brewers second baseman Rickie Weeks tore a tendon in his wrist -- while sitting in the dugout, waggling his bat back and forth.

2) The "Foul Ball of the Year" -

Just last weekend, Baltimore's Jay Gibbons pulled off a hitting feat that might be tougher than thumping five homers in one game:

He hit a foul ball into the stands -- that conked his own wife, Laura, in the rib cage.

3) From the "Quotes of the Year" -

• From rookie Rockies pitcher Justin Hampson (to the Denver Post's Troy Renck), after facing Bonds for the first time: "It was surreal being out there against Barry Bonds. I'm used to going against him in video games. It's a lot easier to make the pitches go where you want with the controller."

4) From the "Late Nighters of the Year" -

• Fifth Prize: from Jay Leno, on those two weeks in July when the Dodgers forgot to win: "[That's] 11 losses out of 12 games. In fact, today the IRS said they would no longer let the Dodgers deduct their bats as a business expense."

5) Oh, and the Twins winning the AL Central yesterday wasn't bad either.