The Wedding Bells Rang...And Everyone Escaped Without An Ass-Kicking

My little brother got married on Saturday. And it was perfect. Everything was awesome and beautiful and loads of fun. Here are the highlights, from St. Pauly Girl's perspective (in no particular order):

1) The limo ride. Champagne + 20 people crammed into a stretch Escalade = Fun Stuff.

2) The moment my brother asked the priest, "Is this the kissing part?".

3) The moment my new sister-in-law actually scooted her chair closer to my brother's, when they were sitting up on the altar after their vows.

4) Statements like, "Dude, nice ushing today." and "Seriously dude, I bridesmaided the shit out of this place today!".

5) The bride and groom pulling a $100 winner pull-tab at the bar before the reception.

6) The bride and groom getting in their first marital argument in the limo on the way to the reception.

7) The groom and his groomsmen/ushers taking a leak over the side of the pavillion while we were setting up to take photos by the river. (See #1 for further explanation).

8) The Bouquet Toss. Having been twirled around by the groom, the dizzy bride proceeded to toss* the bouquet forward against the wall instead of over her head to where the single ladies were anxiously awaiting the sire-fire sign of being the next lucky lady to land themselves a husband.

9) Piano Man. In true CSB/SJU (and Sal's Bar & Grill) tradition**, Piano Man is the last song of the night and consists of all attendees on the dance floor, in a circle, with their arms around one another, belting out the lyrics to the song as loud as humanly possible. An addition to this tradition***, the men in the circle drop their pants to their ankles and sing in their boxer shorts. Only at this particular reception, there was one woman in this circle who may have been a bit confused by the "men-only clause" on this portion of Piano Man and proceeded to lift her skirt, causing most of the men in the circle to either drool or become bitter that their wives don't wear hot black lace panties like this particular wife. To avoid any further familial embarrassment, I will refrain from identifying said woman. I can only say, it was an alcohol-induced confusion. And that it was not St. Pauly Girl.

10) The send-off of the happy couple. Romantic horse-drawn carriage. Bride wearing a cute white fur shawl. All of the wedding guests crowded on the sidewalk with noisemakers and applause. Bottles of Mich Golden Light in place of the champagne that the wedding party forgot to provide****, specifically to enhance the romanticism that is a carriage ride in Stillwater, MN. Waving to the back of the carriage as they rode away in wedded bliss, and proclaiming upon the realization of what had just been witnessed "My brother just rode off in a horse-drawn carriage. What the fuck?".

UPDATE:
11) The Best Man Speech. I'm biased, the best man was St. Pauly Boy. He did awesome.
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*And when I say "toss" I really mean overhand-throw-as-fucking-hard-as-you-can.

**At least in the late 90's and early 2000's.

***I made a rhyme! Yay!!!!

****Did said bottle of champagne get consumed by a particular pair of wedding party attendants? It cannot be fully confirmed, but can safely be assumed I think. And SPG will go ahead and take the blame for that one.