M.I.A.

Yeah. I've definitely been missing in action lately, haven't I? The sad thing about it though, there has not been any action on my end. None, whatsoever. So I guess I'm just M. For missing.

I've been home sick with tonsillitis. I missed 4 days of work last week, my tonsils were the size of giant superballs, I could barely swallow my own spit. Lovely, isn't it? St. Pauly Boy was in Californeeah, so I was left relying on Stinky Pete to take care of me. As you can imagine, that didn't work so good. He doesn't necessarily comprehend when I'm not feeling up to taking him for a walk or playing with him in the yard. He just barks at me, completely oblivious to the shooting pain in my throat made worse by the shrill tone of his bark. You know that saying, "His bark is worse than his bite."? Yeah, it's true. I'd much rather he naw of my entire right arm than bark at me while I'm sick. Just chew it off, Pete. At least then I can focus on that pain, instead of the viral war on my tonsils.

But the good news is, I'm feeling better. Slowly but surely. The boys (my tonsils, I've named them Evil and Mean) have deflated since last Tuesday when they blew up like beach balls. Evil is still being a bit of a pain in my neck, literally, and just under my ear too, but Mean has pretty much given up and is taking his defeat quite well, I assure you. The funny thing is, people keep telling me the same thing.....have your tonsils taken out. As if it's a procedure you can order at the Walgreen's drive-through. Yeah, prescription for St. Pauly Girl and a Tonsillectomy, to go please. What people don't understand is that the procedure for removing one's tonsils is actually quite dangerous. As we get older, as in past the age of 10, when we officially enter senior citizen status apparently, the wounds created by the removal process aren't able to heal quickly enough. You run a very high risk of bleeding to death. Sounds peachy. I'm gonna keep my tonsils, thank you. They are a pain in the ass (or neck, if you will) but dammit, at least I'm alive!

What my real concern is, if I'm considered a senior citizen already because I'm too old to have my tonsils taken out, then why the hell am I not getting the damn discount on Wednesdays???

Nothing better than a good story to get you out of bed in the morning.

So, I'm laying in bed this morning attempting to wake up and get motivated to shower and get ready for work and, as I do every morning, I flipped on the morning news, you know, the station with my favorite weather man. There were a couple of back-to-back stories that just left me stunned, first in an amused and followed by a horrified, way.

First was the story about the "sport" of Shin Kicking, in England. This sport consists of 2 men, stuffing their pants with straw, facing off against each other and, literally, kicking the living shit out of each others' shins. The winner is determined when one opponent essentially gives up. Apparently this sport's popularity is increasing so rapidly that they would now like Shin Kicking to be considered for an Olympic event. An Olympic event.

Discussing this with St. Pauly Boy on our way to work this morning, it was decided that next in line would be the Olympic event of Bloody Knuckles. In which case, I believe my husband would most definitely try out for the US Bloody Knuckles Team, in hopes of fullfilling a life long dream of bringing home the gold medal. We'll see how far he can get, I can only assume the competition will be fierce. I plan on getting him started with a weight lifting program, ASAP.

This was the amused portion of being stunned by the news this morning. Then came this.

A story of a woman who's chiwawa puppy had tragically passed away, where the woman was apparently dealing with one of the many stages of loss, and from what I can gather, it was the anger stage. As the reporter stated, it can be a traumatic experience to lose a puppy, everyone could agree with that, I think. But what I don't think any of us coule agree with is taking your dead puppy back to the breeder's residence, demanding a new [live] puppy in exchange for the dead one, and then using the deceased animal to then physically assault the breeder when terms of an agreement could not be reached. She used her dead puppy as a weapon, people. And in her fit of rage, as she was driving away, she continued to wave this poor dead puppy at the breeder's house, out of the sunroof of her car.

At this point, the stunned expression on my face turned to complete disgust, with a side of depression on the account of the poor dead puppy. Perhaps the puppy is better off, given the apparent psychosis of her owner.

But regardless, it was an odd day for news, people. Odd day, indeed.

Cartoon Kids Say The Darndest Things

Since I'm being such a bad blogger lately, here, go read these Stewie quotes. It's better than the shit I'd write anyway, so what the hell?