You Can Take the Girl Out of the Midwest, But You Can’t Take the Midwest Out of the Girl

St. Pauly Boy and I traveled to good ol’ Orange County, CA for a mini-vacation this past weekend. The trip was encouraged by a Dave Matthews concert in Irvine, which happens to be where SPB’s apartment is, where he stays when he travels there for business. We turned it into a long weekend where we spent time relaxing, driving down the coast, eating out at fabulous restaurants, and wave jumping at the beach.

There are many great aspects of SoCal, one being the amazingly & consistently perfect weather. It was sunny and warm everyday and never too hot to be uncomfortable. But the weather cannot deter us from outlining our negative experiences in The OC. Both SPB and I feel the same about this area of the country….too many snobs, too much materialism, too much fake-wealth*, too many fake boobs, too many Coco Chanel sunglasses, too many strip malls, office parks, and actual real-sized malls, and way too much traffic on The 405. Maybe it’s just me, but seeing a license plate on the back of a Lexus that says “PAMPRRRR” does not make me envious of the owner/leaser of that car. It makes me sad that they feel it necessary to display their materialistic lifestyle for the world to see. Now, I’m not suggesting that SPB and I don’t have our fair share of unnecessary material items or “toys”, if you will, but in our humble area of the country it seems to be a lot less in-your-face than it is in The OC. It’s a way of life out there. It’s a standard. You must have expensive things in order to survive. At least that’s how it feels to a lowly Midwestern girl, such as myself. I realize there are probably some very normal folks out there, it’s unfortunate that they are overshadowed by all the assholes.

We spend one of our relaxing days on the beach, which I haven’t actually done since I was about 17 years old and took a trip to South Carolina to visit a high school friend over the summer. I had to relearn the ways of the ocean that day. How to keep yourself from falling over when even the teeniest of waves hits your legs. How to walk through the sand without completely falling over. How to dig yourself out of the hole that the tide pulls you into on it’s way back out to sea as the next wave competes with it’s direction. Quite frankly, it scared me. The power of the waves is not something that I take lightly. I’m not even a big fan of swimming in rivers, much less a body of water where it’s physically impossible to see to the other side, much less swim to it. But what I did love is the sense of pure exhaustion that you leave the beach with, like your body is telling you “THAT’s what exercise feels like you big lazy piece of shit!”. I certainly slept good that night.

Another accomplishment that I am proud of from my CA weekend is my new taste for Sushi. SPB is a sushi-connoisseur, of sorts. Obsessed with all things raw w/seaweed & rice. I’ve tried my hand at the California Roll and even a bit of Unagi (which is actually cooked, I come to find out, making it much less frightening). But when asked what I thought after cramming the whole piece of Eel in my mouth, I replied with “Well, it’s definitely fishy.” But my sushi-lovin’ husband took me to his favorite sushi spot in Seal Beach, a restaurant called Koi. And let me tell you, I’m on the bandwagon now. I had Toro, Saki, and Unagi and I loved every little bite. It was music to SPB’s ears, let me tell you.

When we weren’t out to eat or laying on the beach, we were vegging-out in the apartment watching the Boob Tube.** Before SPB even got out of bed on Saturday, I managed to watch 3 Cary Grant movies in a row and could have stayed for the remainder of the Cary Grant Marathon on TCM. How easy it is to get sucked in by him. I don’t regret a single moment.

We did have our very first celebrity citing after 4 weekend vacations to SoCal. We arrived early to the LAX on our way home on Sunday afternoon so we decided to actually use SPB’s membership to the Northwest World Club (a.k.a. vip lounge mainly used by business travelers who’s company pays for the membership but it’s not worth paying for yourself because it’s pretty much a huge let down). I was filling up my Sierra Mist from the soda fountain and I heard a guy say “We’ll be ready for you in 10 minutes, Mr. Norton”. I didn’t think anything of it until I turned around and was face-to-face with Ed Norton. He made eye contact with me and all I could do was grin at him, which I’m sure looked really fucking stupid, but he grinned back and I was on my way. I sat down next to my husband and stared at the back of his head while I pretended to read my book. When the man came back to collect Mr. Norton, I watched as he took his time to finish his text message on his Blackberry, gathered up his backpack, threw on his sunglasses (s.e.x.y., not gonna lie to you), and proceeded to follow his butler (or whatever that guy was). I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I’m not used to seeing celebrities in person, it’s only happened a hand-full of times. So I stared. I didn’t realize it, but I stared. I’m a humble Midwestern girl with absolutely no idea how to behave in the presence of movie stars. He didn’t seem to care, he was a pretty laid back airline customer who was just trying to get where he was going. After he left, I decided that I very much needed to sit in his chair. So I did. And when it was time to board our flight, we left the World Club and proceeded to our gate and SPB took the opportunity to get his fair-share of the Norton Ass Juice (his words, not mine) by grabbing my butt. I was bummed Ed*** wasn’t going to Minneapolis. I wanted to spend more time gawking.

All in all, it was a fabulous trip. But as the flight captain welcomed us to the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul after landing, I felt home again. And home is where my professional sports teams are, so I think we’ll call it home forever.


P.S. The concert was cool too.
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* If you lease a Range Rover or a Hummer, you are not “wealthy”. If you carry a 100,000 debt on your credit cards and lease a “luxury” apartment for $5000 a month, you are not “wealthy”. That sort of thing.

** Don’t lecture me about laying around watching TV when I’m in a place like CA where I should be outside enjoying the beautiful weather. It’s my damn vacation.

*** I think it’s ok with him that I call him Ed after we shared that very intimate moment at the airport.