My Horoscope Today Can Kiss My Ass

"Your normally straightforward approach can be confused by the passive receptivity of Venus in Cancer for the weeks ahead. You Aries want to go get it now. You love the chase and the courting process could be like going to war. But Venus in Cancer is quite subtle, so you must practice being quiet so love can be heard. Try listening so that others have room to express what they want."

What the hell is this? A bitch-slap from my damn horoscope, that's what. Translation is as follows:

"Stop being so goddamn agressive all the time you stupid ram sonofabitch. Learn how to shut the fuck up for once in your life and listen to what other people are saying. It's not always about you, you selfish ram. It's always about everybody else, especially those Cancer pussies. Look up subtle in the dictionary and stop trying to run the goddamn world. Bitch."

Talk about a self-esteem boost. Thanks, Horoscope!