Hey Baby, What's Your Handle?

As I approach the beginning of my new career in radio broadcasting, I need to adopt a handle in which I will be referred to in the biz. Give me your suggestions!

So far St. Pauly Boy has come up with "Cxgyae" (sounds like "E", all of the other letters are silent). Understandably, I have turned this one down.

Let me hear you, Internets!

I Love Zach Braff Too, Bud

Similar, Even In Death

Our next door neighbor passed away last Thursday. St. Pauly Boy and I were sitting on the patio just after noon when her son came to the fence to tell us the news. She had just died an hour prior, right there in the house. She had been battling cancer for a couple of years now but I hadn't heard any reports since the Fall so I assumed she was recovering. She had been doing so well the last time I talked to her. Once the doctor told her she was terminal, she slipped very rapidly. The good news is, she went very peacefully in her own bedroom surrounded by all 5 of her grown children and their families.

Sound familiar?

Every time I talked to Mary Ann I found more similarities between she and my grandma. They were both widows who raised their large families in St. Paul, all on their own. They were both devout Catholics. They both worked downtown, my grandma at the Police department and Mary Ann at the Public Defenders office. Then they were both going through chemo at the same time. I just never expected their deaths to be exact replicas of each other. And back to back, nonetheless.

Her funeral was yesterday. I offered to sit at the house during the service, the family was uneasy about leaving the house unattended during a publicly announced ceremony. I cannot imagine what someone could possibly steal from this house that was of any worth, but I house sat anyway. As I sat on the couch watching daytime talk shows on the 13 inch television in the living room I noticed that I was surrounded by more Jesus and Virgin Mary paraphernalia than I'd ever seen, even at the convent at St. Ben's. It was overwhelming. Yeah my grandma had a picture of the Virgin in her house too, but not a 18 x 24 framed picture of Pope John Paul hanging in her dining room. I admit, I was a little afraid, but then I remembered who's house I was in. Mary Ann was literally the nicest person I've ever met. She was so fun to talk to. So cheerful, so obviously caring even if she'd only known you for 10 minutes. And she was a total blast to hang out with. We used to sit on her patio, drink beers and chain smoke. God she was fun.

It was oddly comforting being in the same room in which she died. It was like being there for Grandma. Mary Ann and Grandma would have been the best pals. I can't believe I'm going to go the whole summer without talking to Mary Ann over the back yard fence. Just like I can't believe my grandma won't be starting any political debates at our next family gathering.

God I'm gonna miss those girls.

Congratulations to the South St. Pauly Family!

SSP Girl and husband LPO welcome daughter Taylor McKenna to the world today. She was born at 6am and weighs in at 8lbs 4oz. I spent lots of time talking to Taylor, in utero, and am so excited to finally meet her in person. She may not recognize my voice unless I'm slurring as many of our meetings occurred while consuming alcoholic beverages, but I'm confident it'll ring a bell at some point.

Taylor, can't wait till you're up and blogging!!!

Otter Love

Lord have mercy this is adorable. Especially the end.

Our Boys From The Pond

It's the NHL Playoffs, folks. For Hockey Rubes like myself, this is the shit. I can't wait for our first home game, Sunday 4/15, because even if our Wild are down 0-2 in the series by that game, the energy in the X is impossible to top. You cannot be inside that rink and leave unaffected.

But until then, we have 2 away games in Anaheim, tonight being Game 1. And guess who's there, chillin' at the Honda Center waiting to cheer on our MN Wild?

My husband.

He just called saying they had just arrived at the arena and he was able to purchase*, literally, the LAST Wild jersey that exists in in the rink, and probably in all of So. Cal. But he's there, representin' like the good boy that he is. It's just hilarious to me that as he attends our first game in the freaking playoffs, my family and I are stuck here, holding our season tickets, watching the April Snow fall all over our shit, while HE is at the game. The man only likes hockey because of US! And we're here in the Central Daylight Time, staying up till 9:30pm on a school night to watch the game.

I couldn't be more proud of him**.

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*He shouldn't have had to even buy one since we already own 2 but since he didn't expect that he'd be able to score seats, he didn't think to bring one. Ehhh, you can't have too many NHL jerseys as far as I'm concerned.

**And myself, since I'm the whole reason he even enjoys the sport now. God I'm good.

That's IT.

I'm moving to Mexico. It doesn't snow there, half way through April. Or ever, for that matter. I'll have to learn Spanish, I can deal with that. I'll also have to take baths in 60 SPF sunscreen three times a day but that's ok, I can deal with that too. I'm outta here, people.

Good Friday For A Protest

We live right around the corner from a Planned Parenthood. Every year on Good Friday (for all of you heathens who don't know when Good Friday is, it's today) a massive protest is held by the Anti-Choice, oh, I mean Pro-Life organization. In the past couple of years, Planned Parenthood supporters have also gathered to rival the protesters. So, as you can imagine, our neighborhood is like a carnival right now. The streets are packed with cars, there are people roaming everywhere, some with signs, some with gigantic rosaries, women gathering on our front lawn to take group photos, cops on horseback, you know, stuff like that.

Pete isn't very fond of Good Friday. He's very agitated by the addition to our neighborhood population, especially for anyone who walks through our yard. Our location is such that most people do walk past our house on their way to the main event, so poor Stinky doesn't get much rest as he guards us from the evil protesters*.

So far my favorite Good Friday moment came just a moment ago. Pete was propped up in the dining room window watching all the action (and growling under his breath). A cop and his horse had just rode past our dining room window. St. Pauly Boy made some snarky comment about kicking someone's ass if the horse poo'd in our yard. Not 2 minutes later I hear some women screech, "Oh my god, what the hell do you feed your dog?!?!". Upon further investigation I found out that no, the horse did not poop on the sidewalk and that woman did not think that our little Stinky Pete could have possibly made such a mess, but that someone's actual dog had taken a dump on the sidewalk and she must have been screeching at them, not us. Whoever it was that shat on my sidewalk did not clean up after itself thus poo is smeared all over the sidewalk where all of the protesters must pass. Something about this amused me a great deal.

Happy Protest Day, everyone.


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*His words, not mine.

Happy Birthday To Me

I'm 30. As of, like, right now. It's shaping up to be a fairly shitty entrance to my 30's, too. First my grandma dies, then it snows, and now I'm up today at 7am with a horrible head cold. Fucking super.

Can't wait to see what happens next.

UPDATE: I just got a delivery of 30 long stem fuschia roses from my in-laws. I think I'm done wallowing now.

UPDATE Part Duex: 30 more long stem roses in all sorts of gorgeous colors and a new MacBook Pro. I'd say this is definitely a good birthday!

Margaret Joyce Flaherty

A.K.A. My Grandma, passed away this morning at 7:15am. She went very peacefully in her home surrounded by her family. She was my last surviving grandparent and I'm going to miss her. In her memory, I will carry on her despise of George W. Bush.

I love you, G-ma.

Calling A Time Out

Posting will be slim to none as we are dealing with a rather hectic schedule this week. We have 3 Wild games and my 30th birthday which have been officially planed on the low priority as my grandma is currently navigating the last days of life. She has been battling breast cancer for almost 5 years and just last week was pronounced terminal due to a large tumor in her liver. She is resting comfortably at home surrounded by all 9 of her childen (who haven't been in the same room all together for going on 20 years) and extended family, which is what she really wanted. It's bittersweet as we're so thankful she won't be in any more pain but it's still hard to let her go. She is my last surviving grandparent so this is a little harder than I was thinking it would be for me.

I'll give an update later this week or next. Till then...

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor

Would you be mine?
Won't you be mine?

God I love this weather. I can't stop smiling. I'm actually feeling excited for my first sunburn of the season.

It also helps when you finally find something to do with your life that actually makes you happy. That's right kids, this girl is going back to school for Radio Broadcasting. And it couldn't feel more appropriate for my life. This time next year I'll have a new career, a job that won't make me want to drive off a bridge on my way to work every morning.

This doesn't mean that I've abandoned my goal of getting my Master's in Psychology. I've wanted to do that for a long time too. But this new path fits better right now and it just makes sense to go after something that excites me just as much as grad school does.

School starts in July. And for the first time in my life, I actually can't wait.

Video Didn't Kill This Radio Star

When I moved back to the cities after college I developed this fantasy of working in the radio business. I used to walk to past the various local stations that [used to] broadcast from Butler Square downtown Minneapolis and wish I could be on of those cool cool people up in the studios overlooking the courtyard. This fantasy came out of the blue for me, I don't know exactly why. My college had a fun on-campus radio station of which many of my friends had their own shows and from which I had my live on-air debut after a rowdy night on campus at various parties/dancing at Bro. Willie's Pub when I decided I really needed to dedicate a song for a friend who's boyfriend was in town that night. I played Why Don't We Get Drunk (And Screw) by Jimmy Buffet. She wasn't amused since apparently she was still a virgin. Whatever.

I probably didn't develop this radio-bug during school because I didn't spend any time thinking about my future while I was in college. It was all about scraping by and having a fucking good time with my friends. What I don't really understand is why I never pursued this interest once I had graduated and had entered the workforce. It was obvious to me that I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do with my life and the initial jobs right out of college certainly weren't inspirational, that's for sure. Why didn't I go for it? I've always wondered. Eventually the fantasy faded and I was locked down in the Corporate World.

Since leaving the CW a couple of months ago, I've had a lot of time to think about what I really want to do with my life. I still want to go to school. My long term goal is always going to be to have a Master's degree in Psychology and I know that someday that will happen. But after this morning, I've begun to question if now is the right time.

Thanks to the fellas of The Powertrip morning show at KFAN (AM 1130 in the cities) the radio-bug is back, in full effect. I wasn't expecting it, at all. It all happened so fast. Yesterday I'm chatting via email with Hawkey and the next thing I know, it's 7am and I'm on the freaking air. My stomach was doing flips, but they were the excited kind. I got a complete rush from talking into that microphone and hearing my voice through the headphones. I was definitely a bit timid but WTF, the last time I was "on-air" I don't remember very well as it was like 10 years ago and I was hammered. Today was intimidating but in the way that excites you, in the way that challenges you to keep going. And the feeling still remains 9 hours later.

I have a meeting with a local broadcasting school on Monday.

The Fan

So, this one time my brother and I were driving to Wisconsin for a Dave Matthews concert weekend (which we do every year, 7 years running) he insisted on listening to sports talk radio until we lost signal. I was totally annoyed by this at first. But as I unwillingly listened, I started to slowly fall in love with it. It may have been because A.J. Pierzynski was a special guest on the show we were listening to and at the time he was one of my fav's on the Twins (until he went to the Sox and became the Worlds Biggest Assface). But regardless, I became infatuated with sports talk radio. When I actually worked for a living, I listened to and from work and sometimes even streamed via the net while I worked in my hole, I mean, cube.

Longstorylonger, this morning I woke up super early and decided to actually give my old morning show a listen. I missed those guys. On a whim, I emailed them. Nothing I've ever done before, but I was in a goofy mood. Probably because I had my first cup(s) of coffee in like 2 months and got a little high from the caffeine. Anyway, within minutes I got a response from the producer asking if I wanted to come in studio during a show sometime. He said they've been thinking about having fans come in from time to time and he thought I'd be the perfect first fan to do it. I told him to shut up. He responded that he was serious, so I said ok.

I'm going tomorrow at 7am. I told the producer to be honored because the last time I did anything at 7am it was against my will.

What station am I talking about, you ask? Well, hello, KFAN, obviously. It's really the only sports talk radio in the Twin Cities. I'll be hanging with The Powertrip morning show with the Superstar, Hawk, and Sludge (who I intend on fighting with because I think he's a sexist pig).

If they ask me to actually go on-air, I intend on telling them that I swear way too much for live radio and I'm assuming that'll ensure my voice not make an appearance. If they make me, I'll do my best to say "heck" and "shoot", but I can't make any promises.

Wish me luck. Luck for getting my ass up at 6am tomorrow, that is.

Ireland, Forever!

Happy St. Patrick's Day from all of us here in St. Pauly Land!

There are many good reasons for drinking,
One has just entered my head.
If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
How in the hell can he drink when he's dead?

Alphabet Meme

She done tagged me.

A- Available or Single? No.
B- Best Friend? St. Pauly Boy, Jill, Bubs, Cooney, AJ, Larry, Jen, & last but not least, Stinky Pete
C- Cake or Pie? Pecan Pie
D- Drink of Choice? Guinness
E- Essential Item? Toss up between my laptop and my iPod
F- Favorite Color? Blue
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Worms
H- Hometown? Hugo, MN (a.k.a. East Jesus)
I- Indulgence? Anything Kate Spade. I'm a whore for Kate Spade.
J- January or February? February, it's shorter.
K- Kids and names? No kids yet but apparently if we ever have a boy, SPB wants to name him Rod. Um...no.
L- Life is incomplete without…? Music
M- Marriage Date? May 21, 2005
N- Number of Siblings? One brother
O- Oranges or Apples? Apples
P- Phobias/Fears? Tornados, plane crashes, creepy crawly insects, rivers, sharks, fish in general, death, heights, President Bush, throwing up
Q- Favorite Quote? "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke".
R- Reasons to smile? SPB playing his guitar, Pete hiding from something that scares him, wedding photos
S- Season? Spring (minus the muddy backyard)
T- Tag 3 people? Colin, Sri, Kyle
U- Unknown Fact About Me? I got a 98 on my drivers test but my driving record is hideous. # of times being pulled over: 16ish, can't recall the exact number. # of speeding tickets: 7. # of times to traffic court: 3. # of years on "probation": 2. # of accidents: 2. $$ spent on hideous driving record: Hundreds and hundreds.
V- Vegetable You Hate? I haven't found a veggie I couldn't get along with.
W-Worst Habit? Smoking and biting my nails
X- Xrays You’ve Had? Ankle & teeth
Y- Your Favorite Foods? Eggs Benedict, Toro sushi, chicken chimichangas, pizza, filet mignon, asparagus, sesame chicken, egg rolls, Jim Beam chicken wings from Green Mill
Z- Zodiac? Aries

OMG, the best thing about Spring is...

...when Pete comes back inside from the muddy back yard and only wants to lay down on the pretty light blue quilt on my bed. It's so wonderful!! I love Spring!

Pay For What You Get

Healthy self-esteem is super cool and everything but you really can't have good self-esteem unless you are 100% in touch with your faults. It's not easy but it's certainly liberating. Everyone gets to have faults, that's what so awesome about it. It's much better if you're aware of your own because that way when people judge you, you can just say "Yeah, totally, that's on my list of Personality Flaws". And you don't have to apologize for things on this list provided you're not running around your life throwing them at people like monkey poo. So unless there's an item on your list that truly makes your life miserable or has endangered the people that you love, then you just have to embrace it. Let yourself feel insecure about stuff. Let yourself get pissed every once and a while. Let yourself cry when you have a bad hair day (just don't let it happen a lot cuz that's just sad). As long as your accountable for your actions then you're fine.

Just to prove my point, here's portion of my Personality Flaws list:

1. I yell when I'm mad. SPB and Stinky Pete get the brunt of it and sometimes my mom or my brother. But never my dad for some reason.
2. I get angry about things I shouldn't get angry about.
3. I shoot my mouth off.
4. I'm fond of Flaw #3.
5. I bite my nails.
6. I'm insecure about what people think about me.
7. I'm really mean. Most of the time I keep it in my head though. I gotta let it out from time to time or I'd explode. This is where I've perfected the art of apologizing, but only when I'm wrong.
8. I'm really good at lying AND telling the truth and sometimes may choose one or the other at inappropriate times.
9. I don't answer my phone 99.99% of the time, on purpose. (But I'll check my voice mail right away so if it's an emergency, I'll call you right back, I swear.)
10. I allow myself to hate things and sometimes people, although it really takes a lot for me to hate a person so if you're actually on that list, I'd be very afraid.

There's plenty more where that came from but I'd like to keep them just for me.

If one or the combination of all the above items from my Personality Flaws list make me a bad person, then I'd venture to say that the majority of people on this planet are bad people. But being the optimist that I am, I believe the opposite. Having these flaws makes me real. I'd really rather be real than move through this life lying to people about who I am.

Oopsie Poopsie

This is fantastic.



(via Flea)

Criteria For Changing The Channel

Seeing a clip from a show on HGTV in which a young couple wants to know what their house is worth (4 bedroom, french country home in Seattle with views of the lake and mountains and 2400 square feet) and hearing the statement: (paraphrasing) "We'd like to know what our house is worth because we're thinking about having another baby* and we'd like to find something with a little more space."

Ummm...more space, you say? You mean the fact that my house could fit TWICE plus a tool shed inside yours means that not only do we not have enough room to have A kid but we should seriously consider downsizing by giving up the dog and perhaps even one half or three quarters of the two adult humans living in this house? Really?

Take your 2400 square feet, your four fucking bedrooms, and the view of nature at its finest and stick it up your ass.

I'm going to watch a re-run of Family Guy now.

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*Which would make 2 whole kids.....total.